If Only-ness…

smart
Pinteres: TIB

If only I had known better… If only I had had an opportunity, if only I had taken that chance… Sounds familiar?

Being an “If only-er” is very common in our society, there’s a bunch of people that are walking on the streets right now thinking about all the things they don’t have, couldn’t have, can’t have or won’t have (No time restrictions), and you can be one yourself… Being an “If only-er” myself, I have realized with time, that what didn’t happen either because of my insecurities or because of fate, wasn’t meant to be, or at least, it just didn’t happen. Period.

There’s no crying over the spilt milk anymore in my life. I wasted so many hours, days and even years crying for what wasn’t, that I forgot about the things that DID happen or those I could do something about at the moment. Applies exactly the same for the future. I, now, do whatever I can to make things happen but if I can’t make them happen, I just find something else I can.

If you are an “If only-er” (or if you ever have an episode of “If Only-ness”) here’s how to get rid of that train of thought:

  • Stop. Breathe deeply
  • Think: Is this something I can do anything about? If yes, breath again, put on your grown-up pants and do it. Even if it hurts. If no, lace up your I-better-get-the-hell-outta-here shoes and go look for another dream, goal, or idea.
  • Think: Am I aware of all the blessings, dreams, things, goals, ideas I have actually achieved in life? If no, then do it, make a list (write them down, as written stuff hits us deeper), if yes, then make a list and pray a small grateful prayer for all the things you have.
  • With that list you created above, you’re not only going to be grateful about, but you will analyze what you did to achieve all that. If some of those things you did nothing to get them and God gave them to you, then keep on praying. If —with God’s help— you worked your butt off for acheiving them, then go ahead and do the same this time and go conquer the world, baby!

Everything has a solution. Even if sometimes the solution is stop crying about it. Even if the solution involves ripping your heart out and make yourself focus on something else… Because you know what? The world is full of people that are buried alive, buried under their If-onlys, buried under their unaccomplished dreams and mourning losses, and they won’t ever see the bright future that awaits… Don’t ever be one of them…

Love,

S

Advertisements

Fed up?

Until you are not fed up of whatever is bothering you… Until you are not dead tired of suffering about the same thing over and over, you will, most likely, not change.

What else do you need to make some wise decisions and start building the life you want?

Do it for you, do it for your 8-year-old self that was excited about all the adulthood life and that was expectant and full of hope for what was ahead! 😉 Make yourself proud!

 

walker

Craving for More

no longer

I hate small talk… I need deep conversations. Being an introvert is mistakenly thought as being asocial. I am social, but I hate small talk; I’m in for the silly conversations, but I crave for deep conversations the most. I don’t want to know about the weather or traffic; I want the type of conversations that keep me up at night thinking how I can be better the next day or that give me the chance to understand you deeply… I love conversations that make me grow.

A Little Big Change… Admitting It Really IS the First Step

So, I finally feel like I moved on… If you have read my posts since 2015 (?) you might have read me a little down and troubled, experiencing situations that were more like character challenges, but I finally managed to overcome them with God’s help.

Heartbreak can be devastating at first, but they say that you can’t make a cake without breaking some eggs, right? So… I’ve broken the whole dozen eggs and maybe a few more haha but I can now say that I feel different… I used to see myself with a self pitty look: Why do I have to go through all this? Why me? Why do people hurt me so much if I just want to do good?… Well, turns out that no matter how good you are, life happens, and you have to keep on walking. I no longer ask myself why, I just embrace it, and keep going.

I think of myself now as a more mature version of the woman I was a couple of years ago, and this change has a lot to do with the confidence I have been building due to the fact that I just accept what I can’t change, as I stated before. I know now that I had been idealizing men, idealizing a lot of life scenarios… And now, after so many heartbreaks, I can say that I’ve had my reality-dose.

I am glad about something around this new perspective thing: I may have lost some people on the way, and dreams, but I didn’t let that ruin my bright-colored vision of life… I still think that whatever is for me, will be mine, as it has been happening since… I had been holding too tight to what was not mine at all… But not anymore.

I’ll be posting more about this new journey… It kind of feels good to experience such freedom at last… Any of you joining this jouney? Let me know in the comments

 

Discrimination

I have seen countless testimonials and heard people complaining about how being homosexual has been hard for them, how some christians judge them and pronounce words of hate against them , and how their lives have been tough… We only hear about them, right? Well I am christian, I am not homofobic, that is not what the bible teaches, but I can tell they are not the only ones suffering from bullying or discrimination and here is what it means to be christian…

Being christian and profess God is not an easy path. Personally, I have been christian my whole life, born and raised in a christian family and it has not been easy for me. Now, as an adult, I still follow God and love Him because of what He means to me, but people don’t normally understand that. I have come across countless experiences, increasing lately, about how we christians are haters and how we are intolerant, but the same that say that, also make fun of my beliefs, they claim I have an “imaginary friend”, make fun of the Bible’s stories, they make fun of parts of the Bible they have not even read completely and draw conclusions without knowledge. They claim we are the intolerant but they are intolerant towards what we believe.

Growing up in a world where not drinking alcohol is considered an insult, not wanting to have sexual intercourse (because you want to keep God’s commandments) being like a joke not only to teenagers but grown ups as well, having boys not wanting to date you not because you are not pretty or enough but because they know you will not let them go to third base… Reading posts about how christians are retrograde, outdated, boring, delusional, and  many more insults… Being considered a mentally ill person because of your religious choice IS an insult. Just because someone cannot see God and cannot understand me for believing in Him, it does not give them the right to make fun of me, or reject me, or make me feel bad about it. Being a christian was not, and it is still not easy, because adding to that, now we are being treated as intolerant towards other sexual orientations different from “straight” (yes, I know that term is not the best, but is the one everybody understands).

I am not trying to see who suffers the most, this is not a competition, it’s only an eye opening post about how we judge others no matter their sexual orientation, religion, race, or any other characteristic, and that it does not matter in which “side” you are, discrimination is always wrong, and it damages us all. Hatred has to stop, in every direction.

Ignorance is expressed at its most when we make fun of things we don’t understand.

 

Love,

 

 

S

Introverting

introv

Learning that being an introvert was ok took me 26 years…

It has always been a pressure in today’s society to be an introvert. I have found myself countless times answering questions as: Are you mad? Why are you so quiet? Why don’t you like parties? Are you ok?

Society normally sees extroversion as the right way to be: being extra social, wanting to go out every day, attending parties often, not being alone at any moment… Being that way is ok, too, but that is not the only way one can be to be accepted. Being an introvert is not a synonym of being depressed or mad, nor antisocial, which is acommon misconception.

Part of being an introvert means we like spending time on our own, that’s the way we recharge: Reading books, painting, sleeping, watching tv, going out for coffee on our own, going to the movies alone, not talking much… You name it.

We would be ok, I, personally, would have thought I was fine had I not been pointed out or judged by my way of being, or if I had not had so many extroverts around while growing up making evident the fact that I was different. But it is important that I reached this point in my life where I no longer ask myself what is wrong with me or how I can be more like the others while draining myself in highly social activivties.

Be yourself, unapologetically, because you will reach that point where I am now, but you would wish you had done it earlier. Embrace your beautiful self, no matter what others think or say.

Love,

S

Whom is it about?

When you face difficult times, you should see the things sorrounding you as objectively as possible… But…

Sometimes our need to fulfill what we lack is so big that we tend to see the scale inclined in our favor (or against us? It depends on how you see it). If you are somehow like me, you will try to explore the possibility that it is your idea, that it might be controlable, that, perhaps, others might be right and you are wrong… Just before you realize that you were right since the beginning. (This is not for the sake of being right, it goes beyond that, it means you are risking your own principles and core values.)

But you know what? Sometimes, it is not about you, sometimes you WILL BE RIGHT and you will have to defend your position because it will determine your future steps. Worst case scenario, nobody will see you are right, and they will try to persuade you. Your friends might be part of those who tell you to consider it twice, your beloved ones, too. BUt when it comes to your growth and safety, the one that has the power to make the decision, is you. Ask yourself one question: Whom is it about? And make your own decision.